Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
