I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
