have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
