yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
