My balls are so social today.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
