oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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