ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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