Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
