My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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