u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
