I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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