y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
