he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
