one two three fourrrrnication!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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