i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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