At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
