can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We don't watch enough power rangers
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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