I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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