I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
