Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I accidentally had phone sex last night
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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