I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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