it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
