Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
