I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
