Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
