he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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