Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
