ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
