just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
