No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
