Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
