he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
