I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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