I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
