my vag is so smooth its legendary
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
