did you get engaged???
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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