I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
