Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
