I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
