State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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