The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
