dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
