so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
