Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
