tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
