8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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