I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
