The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
