My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
