you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
