Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
