I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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