dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
