Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
