So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
