yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
