walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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